Roller Coaster Ride

The past few months have given my emotions plenty of exercise! Probably more than I would have liked. In the end of last December, Kevin came home on leave and asked me if I would date him. I said yes, even though I had sworn to myself that would never be involved in a military relationship. I had seen what one of my good friends had to go through when she was dating her sailor and I was afraid I wouldn't be strong enough. After we started dating I started preparing for him to be deployed to Afghanistan in May. I didn't know what to expect in the coming up year, but I prayed that I would have the strength to get through. When he went to MOHAVE VIPER (combat training) his insomnia came back like a tidal wave and he was sent back to his base. So then I was guiltily relieved that he wouldn't be deployed even though he would finish the 2 1/2 years he had left in the Marine Corp. Then all the evaluations started up and I found out yesterday that he is being medically discharged. Okay, now I getting ready for him to come home in a few months... for good! There has been so much change these past few months that I don't even know how to keep up! Not only is he my first boyfriend, even though I'm 22, and I've been trying out the "girlfriend" role, but I was also trying to deal with the long distance. In the 4 months that we have been dating I have only seen him 2 1/2 weeks. Now he's almost here to stay and I have no idea what to think or feel about everything. I know I'm happy that we'll have a chance at a "normal" relationship, but i can't help but feel guilty at the same time. This isn't what he wanted so I feel bad for him, but amazingly he's keeping a positive attitude about everything that he's had to go through. I don't think I would be. Plus I'm almost afraid to get my hopes up. It almost seems to good to be true and I don't want to plan on anything until it's already happened. Geez I'm such a mess right now! Chocolate has been my best friend as of late. Through everything that has happened and that I'm sure will happen I cling to the promise that everything works out for the good for those who believe Him!

Prayer For Spiritual Strength

Some days it's really hard for me to keep a positive attitude when I think about my life and everything that I want to do. I start thinking about how I don't have a car anymore and I don't know when I can afford one. I think about how much time it's been since I've gone to school. And I think about how I'm not getting in as many hours as I "need" at work.... Then I remember that I have everything that I "need" right now. I get frustrated with God because I feel like the right doors haven't been opened for me when in reality I am blessed with an incredible family who supports me, I have friends who genuinely care about me, I have a wonderful boyfriend who is willing to do anything for me, I have job that I LOVE, and a church that makes me excited to attend! Plus I'm only 22! What am I complaining about? I have my whole life ahead of me and I only need to focus on one thing at a time... instead of throwing a fit because I want it all now!
My latest favorite verses are Ephesians 3:14-21:

 "For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith- that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

I try to repeat these words to myself everyday to remind me that the biggest thing I need to focus on is being grounded in love and filled with the fullness of God. If I stay strong in my faith then nothing else will seem important to me because I'll know that God is the only One who needs to be in control!!!

A Servant's Heart

During the weekend I work at a Christian camp where churches bring their youth for some quality time in the mountains. It's a chance to get the kids away from the fast pace of life and hear the gospel loud and clear. I love being a part of this ministry! It has become such a dear part of my life. After the groups leave it is our job to clean the facility. Let me tell you... after a couple of hours of cleaning up after 200 high school students can make someone pretty grumpy (not that I'm speaking from experience or anything). But I try to catch myself from complaining because I remember the reason for them being there. And that is more important than those couple of hours out of my day! It is a constant struggle for me to keep "A Servant's Heart." I look forward for the next chance to practice!

Welcome!

Welcome to a little corner of my mind! This is not going to be the smoothest running blog... so beware... but it should be fun! At least for me anyways! I can't wait to get this rolling!