Roller Coaster Ride

The past few months have given my emotions plenty of exercise! Probably more than I would have liked. In the end of last December, Kevin came home on leave and asked me if I would date him. I said yes, even though I had sworn to myself that would never be involved in a military relationship. I had seen what one of my good friends had to go through when she was dating her sailor and I was afraid I wouldn't be strong enough. After we started dating I started preparing for him to be deployed to Afghanistan in May. I didn't know what to expect in the coming up year, but I prayed that I would have the strength to get through. When he went to MOHAVE VIPER (combat training) his insomnia came back like a tidal wave and he was sent back to his base. So then I was guiltily relieved that he wouldn't be deployed even though he would finish the 2 1/2 years he had left in the Marine Corp. Then all the evaluations started up and I found out yesterday that he is being medically discharged. Okay, now I getting ready for him to come home in a few months... for good! There has been so much change these past few months that I don't even know how to keep up! Not only is he my first boyfriend, even though I'm 22, and I've been trying out the "girlfriend" role, but I was also trying to deal with the long distance. In the 4 months that we have been dating I have only seen him 2 1/2 weeks. Now he's almost here to stay and I have no idea what to think or feel about everything. I know I'm happy that we'll have a chance at a "normal" relationship, but i can't help but feel guilty at the same time. This isn't what he wanted so I feel bad for him, but amazingly he's keeping a positive attitude about everything that he's had to go through. I don't think I would be. Plus I'm almost afraid to get my hopes up. It almost seems to good to be true and I don't want to plan on anything until it's already happened. Geez I'm such a mess right now! Chocolate has been my best friend as of late. Through everything that has happened and that I'm sure will happen I cling to the promise that everything works out for the good for those who believe Him!